The Artifact Catalog
Official merchandise, corporate relics, and consumer goods from across the MEGA MEAL timeline. Availability varies by region, epoch, and dimensional alignment. Items marked Available Now can be purchased in this timeline.
CrateClip XL
"For when 'secure' isn't secure enough."
Warranty void if used on anything that can file a complaint. The CrateClip XL is not merely a fastening device. It is a declaration of intent. When standard clips fail, when lesser hardware weeps and releases, the CrateClip XL holds. It has held things we cannot name. It will hold yours.
$24.99
SKU: SNG-001
Snuggloid distribution is currently limited to approved regions. Your area is not yet approved. They are patient. You should be too.
Your coordinates are outside our current distribution matrix.
The MegaMeal Cookbook
$29.99
"Recipes that will haunt your dreams and your dinner guests."
$29.99
SKU: CB-001
Currently in production. We will notify you when this timeline's print run is authorized.
Transmission pending. Stand by.
Sad Snax
$8.99
"The taste of existential dread in every bite. Now with extra ennui!"
$8.99
SKU: SDS-001
Production underway. We will reach out when this product achieves the will to be shipped.
Transmission pending. Stand by.
Puppy Rescue Rations
$12.99
"Sustainably sourced, ethically questionable. For the discerning human palate."
$12.99
SKU: PRR-001
This product exists. Procurement from your timeline is not currently supported.
$16.99
SKU: DIP-001
This product exists. Procurement from your timeline is not currently supported.